Back to Life

I moved into my first apartment on Sunday. It's so nice to finally have my own space where I can have people over. I'm also just a few apartments down from Jimmy which is really nice. Today we went to look for jobs which was an interesting experience. Jimmy applied from Christian Brothers Automotive and it looks really promising so Lord willing it will work out! After he put in his application we spent the next few hours applying to different restaurants. Some places seemed more promising than others but I left feeling rather discouraged after the fourth place told me that they would give me a call if they were interested. Though it wasn't a definite no, I've worked in the restaurant business long enough to know that if they don't say yes immediately, the chances of getting a call later are slim. In the midst of all of this God reminded me of two things:
1) It's such a blessing that I got the job at Red Robin as quickly as I did when I was 16. It's now so obvious that the Lord wanted me there for a reason. He wanted me there so I could witness to my coworkers and build those relationships.
2) Though He didn't give me what I wanted to day, He will give me what I need when I need it. He is so good so I am going to continue to praise Him for His faithfulness. A good friend of mine once said, "Testimony is the seed of prophecy." This has become one of my new mottos. What God has done once, He can definitely do again. Lord, I can't wait to see what You do!

Almost Done

Reality is slowly setting in that things are almost finished here at Student Life. We said goodbye to Seleina Shurake, our LDP from Kenya, today. Inventory is almost done for each department. Each of us are slowly starting to say goodbye. I'm usually not sentimental about stuff like this, but leaving this amazing group of people is really going to be difficult. It's amazing how close you can get to a group of people in only 2 1/2 months. We've laughed and cried together. We've carried each other through struggles and rejoiced as victories have been won. Sometimes it gets lonely being devoted Christian and it's easy to start thinking that you're the only one following the Lord...but being on this team has blown my mind. I have been so blessed to be in close community with 23 people who are passionate about Christ and furthing the Kingdom. Thank You Lord for this opportunity. This really has been the best summer of my life thus far!

Last Week of Camp

So here we are. It's finally the last week of camp. This summer has flown by! I'm really sad that this is the last week I'll be able to work for Student Life but I am so excited to see my family, friends, and boyfriend as I go back to regular life. This week is going to be a little bit different because instead of being a mission site coordinator, I am going to be a rec leader for the Blue Crew! I can't wait to see what God does this week!

I Don't Have to See

Today for my devo with my mission squad I shared my testimony about how the Lord changed my life by revealing to me the greatness of His power. Though I had always been a "pretty good" Christian girl, I was still completely fallen and when I was about 14 it finally began to show as I gave into an eating disorder. This sin slowly destroyed me physically and mentally for about 2 years until one day when the Lord said to me, "Sam, the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead lives in you. You can say no to this sin." That was a pivotal point in my life. From that moment on I have been living with a different perspective and a new will to live for the Lord because I know with all of my heart that Christ conquered my sin a long long time ago.

It was pretty neat how God worked today. Later during worship a youth minister came up to me and asked me if I would be willing to share a little bit more about my struggles with the girls in his youth group. Of course I said yes. Honestly, I had been waiting for an opportunity like this all summer long. I prayed and prayed that the Lord would direct my thoughts and my words as I addressed these girls. Any words that came from my finite wisdom would not be powerful enough to break through to their closed hearts.

Finally the time came for me to share with the girls. I got up in front of them all and started sharing what the Lord had put on my heart. Honestly, even though I had prayed and thought alot about what I would say I felt rather scatterbrained. Nevertheless, I said what the Lord put on my heart and in my mouth. None of the girls responded immediately so I finished by praying for them and letting them split up into their individual groups.

As I climbed into the back of our pickup truck for a ride back to our dorms the first thought that popped into my head was, "Wow, that probably didn't make any sense. I wonder if any of them got anything." But that thought was immediately followed with a familiar peace because I know that the Lord often works in ways that I don't ever get to see. I planted seeds and spread out the truth before them. I have no power, however, over how deep the roots go or if they even break through the top layer of soil. That's all the Lord's job.

I love my job here at Student Life so much. Most of my job consists of sowing seeds that I will never get to see grow. I rarely see any fruit, but Lord keeps reassuring me that He is doing great and amazing things. He is not bound by contract to let me see His working. I trust Him because He is THE loving God. So no matter how much I would love to know what He is doing in these kids and adults lives, I don't have to see.

Liberty Load In

We're at Liberty University right now for our 8th camp of the summer. This week is going to be our biggest camp with 2000 students total attending. I'm super excited for mission camp because we are supposed to have around 800 kids participating which is double our usual number! We'll have four missions teams instead of three in order to hopefully handle all the kids better.

One challenge for this week will be taking the time to invest in people on a personal level. It's so easy to get caught up with the legistics of things. Espeically in a busy week, we tend to focus on simply making it through the day instead of opening our eyes to the ways that God is working in the kids lives. Last week the Lord allowed me to invest in several people and really get to know them. I loved it! Lord, open my eyes to see where You are moving so that I may join You there!

My Love

Chained in darkness

No hint of light

Cold and empty

NO hope of flight

Impoverish soul

Guilt over my head

No way back

To where You live

As my heart

Bursts with despair

I hear a knock

And unaware

Slowly I crawl

Without a clue

That at the door

I would see You

Your eyes, they burn

A hole in me

No hatred found

No blow received

But instead love

Though undeserved

Is all You bring

Crazy and pure

You life my chin

And take my hand

With shaking knees

I slowly stand

In Your arms

I fall, collapse

All this time

You’re what I lacked

You softly whisper

“We’re going home”

But how? My chains

Are not undone

The price my lovers

Ask is high

Surely this is

Where I’ll die

“The price is paid

Because I died

The blood I gave

Was for your life

Now see your chains

Not touching you

Come with Me

And be made new

“Come be my wife

Faithful be

As I love you

Cherish Me

Go no longer

To lovers of old

With Me you’ll stay

My love you’ll know”

Now here I am

Finally clean

Surrounded by light

Completely free

Thankful, yes.

Deserving, no.

To my Love

All I owe

He entered in

My brothel dark

And gave His life

For my lustful heart

He brought me home

And made me new

My Faithful Love

My love is true.

(June 8,2011)

First Love

There’s a longing inside of my heart

For a love that is all-consuming

That inspires each breath that I breathe

And determines who I want to be

Each moment to be purposed around

What the love my life desires

A love that never grows cold

But blazes in my like a fire

This longing I feel is not wrong

In fact it’s an inherent part

Of how You designed me to be

It’s the way You fashioned my heart

But this love is found in One only

Others simply mimic Your ways

When consumed by my First Love, my God

Satisfaction finally remains

You alone are my First Love, oh God

No one can stand in Your place

 My Groom, my eyes are fixed upon You

Your presence makes my heart race

Though one day someone will enter my life

Your in place in my eyes will not move

Because You are and will be the First Love

            of my life

My Lord, my passion is You

(Oct. 2010)

Always loving and crying

Always wanting and trying

To reach the whole world for His name

My passion’s so wide

So vast, so diverse

Though I try I can’t narrow it in

To one passion, one focus

One life given wholly

To one way to glorify Your name

Lord, give me direction

Direct my whole heart

Show me my people, my world

Direct my each step

My passion, affections

I know Your abundance flows over

(Oct. 27,2010)

Rich

Lying in a hospital bed

Longing for just one night of rest

As I stand here by your side tonight

I watch fearful tears fall from your eyes

You once were strong, but now so frail

Uncertain if you’ll again be well

Not a man do I see when I look in your eyes

No, they’re filled with the fear of an

            innocent child

God, how can it be right, this awful scene

That a man of strength is now so lean

As time goes on, simply wasting away

Unsure of where he’ll be the next day

I don’t question Your goodness, I don’t

            question Your plan

Though I really do wish I could understand

I wish his life could be better…like mine

But God, I realize, who am I to define?

Lord, I’ll love him tonight, I’ll keep holding

            his hand

I’ll still trust and I’ll praise though I don’t

            understand

I know that Your ways are far too high for

            me

And I know that forever in Your hand he’ll

            be

(Dec. 9, 2010)

China Baby

One family, six members

One color, one race

I never imagined

We were missing your face

The doctors said, “No more”

But God had a plan

Though your mother is different

You fit right in our hands

For months we knew not

What your name would be

No information about

No image to see

But none could deny

Our immediate bond

Before I first met you

I knew you belonged

The first time I saw

Your most beautiful face

I tucked you into my wallet

Carried you all over the place

Proud to call you my sister

With you there’s no maybe

I’ll cherish you forever

My precious China baby

(Aug. 31, 2010)

Little Shepherd David

Little shepherd David,

The man for whom you’re named

Started out as nothing much

But climbed his way to fame

With a sling and fives stones

Enemies came tumbling down

Nothing accomplished on his own

God handed him the crown

Perfect he was not

Still known for his mistakes

But his story does not stop with sin

It ends with God’s good grace

Though friends came and went

There was One Friend who stayed

When feeling overwhelmed

To the Lord he prayed

Little shepherd David,

If nothing else he knew

Knew that his worth and strength

Were founded in God’s truth

My prayer for you, brother,

Is just like David, king

Who started as a shepherd

‘fore God changed everything

That you would know your God

Like little David did

You’d give him your whole heart

And make your short life His

Open Hands

Five fingers clenched tightly

My hand forms a fist

No plan to let go

Nothing must go amiss

Five bars made of flesh

Protecting what’s dear

Kept behind lock and key

Held captive by fear

As I enter Your presence

Kneel in front of Your throne

Presenting my whole self

But what my hands keep enclosed

No smile on Your face

For I’m still holding back

You want all that I have

You want trust without lack

Quickly my mind

Tries to measure the cost

How much would I gain

If what’s dear was soon lost

What’s the weight of Your pleasure

Compared to my own

The grace in Your eyes

Melts the fear of the unkown

Slowly my fingers

Release one by one

My selfish will flees

Victory is by You won

As I kneel at Your throne

Open hands lifted high

I offer my whole self

Every part of my life

In all honesty, I’m frightened

I’m scared half to death

But I’m trusting You’re goodness

Trusting You know what’s best

(August 31, 2010)

Victoria

Here for a moment

Gone in a minute

Trying my hardest

To be somehow different

Right when her heart

Seems to open the least

Everything changes

And Hell is unleashed

Could I have done better

With the short time I had

Could love have shone brighter

To show You want her so bad

I did all I knew

I could possibly do

Now she’s gone forever

So I’ll give her to You

In Your hand she will be

As she has always been

And I pray with my whole heart

That You’ll draw her in

Let her know what true love is

Unconditional, not passing

Let her know security

Know You are everlasting

Shine light in her darkness

Uncover her eyes

Let her know what is worthless

And capture the prize

With me for a moment

In Your sight forever

I trust her with You, Lord

For Your plan is better

Grace is a River

Grace is a river

Flowing endlessly on me

Down from the Father

More than I had hoped to see

Not just forgiveness

But a second chance received

I remember His goodness

And don’t do what I please

Grace is a river

Eternally refreshing to me

Grace from the Father

Flows continually

The Journey

Toward the mountain I’m walking

Through the dew in the cool of the morning

The breeze kisses my cheek

The air smells so sweet

As I begin my journey

Butterflies stir in my stomach

With every fresh step that I take

For I know when I reach

The steep mountain’s peak

I’ll have to act on my faith

I try not to think too much

Just focus on the beauty around me

But as I drawn near

So does my fear

As I question the quest that’s before me

With me is all I deem precious

In my hand is the joy of my life

You have called me to give

I don’t know if he’ll live

I’ll have to trust You to provide

I feel the heat of the sun now

My forehead glimmers with sweat

As its intensity grows

The more my heart knows

I’m overwhelmed in my distress

At last we’ve reached the top

It’s time, my heart starts to race

The altar’s prepared

The sacrifice standing right there

With a beautiful smile on his face

His innocent eyes lock with mine

I melt as without a spine

I know what must be done

So I walk toward my son

And take his hand in mine

Slowly to the altar I lead him

Instruct him to sit down and lie

Horror covers his face

His mouth hangs agape

He stutters, “Daddy, but why?”

“Be still,” is all I can whisper

I reach for the knife in my belt

The handle’s on fire

Was I liar

Believing all would be well?

The blade is above my head raised

“Lord!” I scream as if crazed

But before the knife lands

A voice stills my hand

And behold…

Just feet away…

I see the ram

(July 20, 2010)

Sea of Faces

In a sea of faces

You know every soul

Despite the rising numbers

Every name You know

 Each has a different story

You know them just the same

You see their tears and laughter

You feel their joy and their pain

How is it that eyes can see

Each detail of their lives

How is it that Your love can reach

To each heart’s deepest confine

Lord, give me the eyes to see

And the heart to love them too

Let me see more than a sea of faces

But individuals as You do

(July 2010)

True Cinderella

I’m watching you, Cinderella

Observing you as you play

As you spin and you dance

As if in a trance

Twirling ‘round every which way

I see more, Cinderella

Than the pearly white smile on your face

Though you make a room bright

You’re hurting inside

You know that your glimmer is fake

You try to forget your full name

Hiding the ashes inside

Pushing aside all the shame

Trying to prove you’re alive

…But you’re not

Not till you deal with the inside

Uncover the scariest parts

True beauty  shines through

When you are made new

And given a whole new heart

No more covering up what is ugly

Let the King of Light shine through the dark

He won’t put you to shame

But in Jesus’ name

He’ll take the true mess that you are

…And make you beautiful

Why is it, Cinderella

That you keep playing this game

Are you afraid that they’ll see

The despicable me

That they’ll see the truth in your name

Have you heard, Cinderella

Of the healing that can take place

If you’ll lay down your pride

Let Him know the inside

Let Him cover you in love and grace

Stop your dancing and rest

Lay your head on His chest

In this moment hear truth

As whispers to you

I can make all things new

(Aug. 8, 2010)

Written Across the Sky

I’m asking for an answer

To be written across the sky

I don’t need an explanation

Though that would still be nice

I don’t just want advice

I need a yes or no

I don’t just need direction

I need a path to follow

I’m called to walk by faith

Not living by what I see

But I need a step to take

Not complete generality

I don’t need my whole life revealed

Just this simple step

Don’t need to see 20 years from now

Just tell me right or left

I cannot trust my feelings

My emotions twist and turn

They’ll manipulate my answer

Which will make me fall and burn

So I’m calling on You God

To be my All-knowing Guide

I’m pleading for an answer

To be written across the sky

(June 2010)